Sorry is just not enough
by Maevezanar
Summary: Post AC. An accident happened to Tifa and endangered her life while Cloud was away. Would he be able to come back on time or would it be too late?... "I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you. And I’m sorry…that sorry is just not enough..."


**A/N**: This story is slightly based on a real story except for the ending. Surprisingly, I found out that Cloud and Tifa's story is quite common to the real one. So I picked up some materials and wrote it. I do hope one day he would be able to read this story and act before it's too late.

Be prepared, long oneshot.

Have fun reading.

* * *

"Hello, I'm Cloud Strife. Sorry, I can't answer your phone at the moment. If possible, please leave a message after you hear a beep. I'll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you."

Beep!

It sounded so cold to her. She opened her mouth, but somehow managed to say nothing at all. She was really upset with him and wanted to shout at him but then again… she was afraid that he was actually busy and she could have hurt him wrongly or pushed him to the point that he could never come back to them…to her. That's why she decided to send him a normal message as usual.

"Hey, it's me, Tifa." She paused a little bit. "I…we miss you." She corrected herself, feeling tear is on the verge of her eyes word after word. "Whatever you're doing now, please take care and be back soon to us. We need you. And I…love you."

She sighed, wiped away a tear that had not yet been shed. Turned off the phone, she came back to her work. Anyway, she was getting used to it…

Three months.

Three months without him.

She was getting used to the feeling of losing his good night kisses as he always did to her and to the kids.

She was getting used to those one way messages, to the heartless sound of "beep". Where was he? Why didn't he pick up her call? What happened to him… or was he just trying to avoid her? Those questions kept popping up in her mind and it wasn't that she had no idea how to answer them. Just that… she was in denial. Why? Why did he have to leave? Leave her, leave the kid and this family?

She was getting used to those lonely nights when she had to cry herself to sleep. Tears, yes, you heard it right. Tears. Tifa Lockhart actually knew how to cry. Strange? The Tifa that everybody knows always appears with such a bright smile. Just by looking at her smile, one could feel happy. She is strong. She is optimistic and she hates those girls who cry because of men. She remembered reading somewhere a quote like this "Never cry because of a man, he doesn't deserve it. The one who deserves won't make you cry." It is her favorite quote indeed. She choked. Then… what was she? Who was she? She was crying because of a man. She locked herself in the bar every night, cried and cried.

Is was a never ending circle. The most ironic thing was that she couldn't find anyone to listen to her story and lent her a shoulder. For one thing first, it was her nature that she felt really bad making everybody feels sad because of her. So she tried her best to never let any one down even if it means hiding away her tears. Secondly, even if she wanted to open her heart, there was no one there to tell. Not Marlene and Denzel, they are too small to understand this kind of thing. Besides, she just didn't want them to hate their "figure father". How about the Avalanche's members? However, everyone had their own lives and they all lived far away from her. Even if they really cared about her, they just couldn't divide themselves and be with her every single time she needed. Knowing that she couldn't let herself go insane with an emotional breakdown, she started a small habit. Whenever she felt needed, she felt she missed him/hated him/wanted to strangle him… or whatever, she would write an email and send it to an email address named

The idea was hers. She opened the mail box together with Cloud with the intention of saving all their thoughts about the children and then one day, she and Cloud would surprise them. However, the one thing she didn't expect was that this email turned out to be her safe haven, to be her love diary.

"One beer please!"

A customer's voice suddenly struck her, pulled her back to reality and for a brief moment, pushed away those thoughts of hers. Tonight, they didn't have many customers so Tifa could handle it easily. Marlene and Denzel probably were brushing their teeth and would go to bed any time soon. As soon as she finished serving beer for this moustache man, she would take some minute to run up stair and check on them, maybe tuck them into bed as usual before being back here.

At those moment, she realized she needed him most… but the funny thing was he had never been there when she needed him. Always those night deliveries and being late excuse, then come the geotisma thing with him leaving for a while… And just when she thought everything was over, he could leave the past behind, he accepted her in his life… then he was gone again.

"Miss, you overflow the beer…"

The moustache man reminded her with a strange look as if he was wondering what concerned this beautiful barmaid. She quickly apologized to him, put the beer away and took out another clean glass then filled it with beer.

'Tifa! Tifa! Focus. You're working, remember?'

She blamed herself then inhaled a deep breath. Turning back, she used her trademark brightest smile to her customer. Just when she cleaned her hands, Tifa heard a loud voice from a table near the window. A heated argument that would probably lead to a fight. Tifa quickly came over there. If she couldn't stop the fight, then at least she would have to make sure that it happened outside the bar. Knowledge from past experience told her that it would be costly to let a fight occur here. Keeping a friendly face, she assured other customers and walked toward the two men.

Suddenly, there was a sound of broken glass. It didn't take her long to realize it the sound of the bottle named Midgar 1983.

'Uh oh!'

She rolled her eyes. The situation didn't seem very promising. A tall man was holding a collar of another fat man by his right hand while his left hand was holding the broken glass of the wine bottle. To make matter worse, he was putting it near the neck of the fat man and kept swearing. His eyes were red, probably because of the alcohol consumed or maybe… it was his blood veins. It seemed to her that this man wouldn't step back any time soon. But anyway, she had to try her best to stop a murder inside this bar. Now it did sound crazy. Murder in 7th Heaven? No way!

"Excuse me!" She raised her voice to draw the attention of them. "It seems like there is a misunderstanding here…"

"Nope! There is no such thing here. This bastard keeps making me pay for his meals and drinks and every thing but yet refuses to sign the contract with my company. If he wants to play dirty then I'll go along with him."

The tall man shouted.

'Great, another nonsense reason. I just need one more to finish my collection of 1000 reasons to start a fight in 7th Heaven.'

She thought sarcastically. However, Tifa still maintained a smile.

"Now that's a little bit … bad! But look sir, it isn't worth it. We could settle everything in peace." Then she turned to the fat man. "Now sir, would you reconsider his offer to work with your company?"

"Work with this crazy dog? No way!"

Before she could call him 'what a thick headed, insult people is more important than his own life?', and before she even started to realize the tall man's face had turned all red, his left hand has moved toward the other man's neck.

"Stop!"

Tifa yelled and grasped the man's hand in a quick move.

"Sir, wise men don't use violence to talk."

"I'm not wise. I'm a… 'crazy dog'." He said, mimicked the insulted words before and continued to attack the fat man. "Get out before I'm forced to hurt you"

"What if I say no?"

She replied with no hesitant.

"Then don't blame me for not warning you." He yelled in rage.

Not long afterwards, things started to get heated. Tifa was involved in the fight with the tall man while trying to protect him from committing the crime and to protect the fat man. Much to her surprise, the tall man was a good fighter and she was struggling hard to dodge his moves. Some customers started to yell and leave the bar while others just sat there, considered it free entertainment. Marlene and Denzel were also woken up by the loud noise and they walked to the stair, looked down in panic to find Tifa fighting with another man.

"Tifa! Watch out!"

The kids yelled to warn her as they saw the man tried to attack her from behind. She dodged to the right just in time to avoid him. However, the wine from the broken bottle was all on the floor, made Tifa lost balance and tumbled down right in the sharp, shattered pieces of glass.

Everything started to blur in front of her eyes. She heard them yelling. Noise. Yes, it was very loud. But she couldn't understand what they were yelling. She saw panicked footsteps. She felt pain in her stomach and wet…probably her blood. She saw them, her kids…She saw their tears… She wanted to assure them that she would be okay but words didn't seem to leave her mouth… and then… all she could see was darkness.

**oOo**

The rain started to get heavier which made it hard to continue driving. Reluctantly, he stopped Fenrir, his bike, and walked into a bar nearby. Gosh, how long had it been since he was in a bar? He missed her bar… and its barmaid.

He silently stepped into a corner of the bar and ordered one beer. He preferred the cozy feeling of the corner just because he could hide his face, his blond hair and his blue eyes behind the darkness. No body could recognize him as the hero who saved the world twice and left him in peace. Cloud tasted the beer and gosh… was there any word worse than 'horrible'? He missed the taste of beer in her bar. Well, to be exact, it was all the same brand name anyway. But there, in 7th Heaven, he was treated a beer with the brightest and sweetest smile of a certain barmaid. Maybe that was what made the difference.

He exhaled…

He missed her.

Why didn't he just admit it? Why did he keep running away from her? Why didn't he give her a chance to stop him? He just decided that they needed to be separate and just that, next thing he knew: He had already walked out of 7th Heaven, his family… and her life.

Ring Ring Ring

Another call? Strange. Tifa should have been asleep now. He opened his phone and the number on the screen is not any familiar with him. Cloud hesitated for a moment and then decided to answer the phone.

"Hello!"

"Cloud!"

The voice struck him like a thunder bolt. It was Denzel's voice. He was crying. What happened?

"Denzel! Denzel! Calm down, you hear me? What's wrong?"

"Cloud… Tifa she…"

He sobbed.

"Tifa? What happened to her?"

Cloud stood up all of a sudden. He felt blood running in his body. Something was telling him that he wouldn't like the thing Denzel was going to say at all. Yet, he had to know.

"Tifa… accident…blood… so much blood…"

"What? Denzel…I…I don't understand. Wait, where are you now?"

"In the hospital…"

"Okay! I'll get there as soon as possible. Just be there waiting for me, okay. Oh… and take care of Marlene. I'll come there soon."

It was his turn to be panicked. Cloud couldn't think of anything else. There are only two words left in his mind "Tifa" and "blood". He had to see her. He had to… at all cost. Cloud drove at his maximum speed under the hard rain. His vision was blur so it took him several hours before arriving at the hospital. Quickly, he ran to the hospital hall and asked for her name. The nurse told him that she was still in operation and showed him the room number. As soon as he got there, the first scene he saw was his two children. Marlene was leaning on Denzel's shoulder and the two didn't cry but yet he could tell that they had cried a lot since their eyes were all red.

He felt his throat dry…

"Marlene… Denzel…". He called out.

"Cloud!"

They looked up and in no time, Cloud found them in his arms shaking.

"Hush! Don't cry! I'm here…"

"Cloud…"

They cried again.

"Don't cry… calm down…how is…she?"

He managed to form a decent question since his inside was trembling as well.

"Tifa is…still in the operation…"

"It's been…3 hours…"

The two kids answered him.

"Uhm…"

He smiled a fake smile to assure them but didn't say anything else. He just put them down and sat in between them. They held onto him as well as he held onto them. Much to his surprise, the two kids actually gave him more strength to go on; otherwise, he afraid he would break down the moment he knew that she had an accident. He didn't feel the need to ask for what happened exactly since he wouldn't care. Everything can wait for later. His only concern now is her critical condition.

Half an hour had passed

Then forty five minutes…

Not long after, it was one hour already…

Then one and fifteen minutes more…

Next was one and half an hour….

The longer the time of the operation was, the more he felt hope was fading away. Negative thought started to form his mind. Why? Why did he leave her behind? If he had been there for her, nothing like this would happen. He could have protected her. Her life wouldn't be in danger. What…what if she couldn't make it…Would it mean that he lost her forever? Without being able to tell her how much he care for her? Gosh, He was a fool. A fool…

Just then, the doctor came out. He stood up slowly as if he was gaining more time just in case he would have to hear a bad news.

"So… you're her husband?"

"No…I…" He denied but for such a brief moment, he felt that he wanted to be called like that. But no, now is not the time. He spoke. "I'm Cloud Strife, her friend. Since she lives with me…us I mean." He looked down at the kids and continued. "You could tell her condition to me. So… how is she?"

"Oh. The operation was successful. Just a little bit late and we wouldn't be able to help her. She was lucky."

The doctor smiled in relief.

"Th…thanks." He managed to speak the only word he could think of. Thanks god, Tifa was saved. She was saved. He felt like he had just lifted a rock out of his heart.

"Yay!" The kids said together with their biggest smiles.

"So…can we…"

"Yes, you can. But I'm afraid she wouldn't be able to wake up for the next five or six hours so I think you can rest a little bit while waiting for her." The doctor nodded, allowed them to be with her.

"Thanks. Thanks for saving _my_ Tifa."

He shook the doctor's hand tightly before leading the kids to her room.

**oOo**

It was almost dawn and the kids had felt asleep on the couch while Cloud just sat in a chair besider her bed, gently hold one hand of her. So many thoughts struck his head. Most of all were his guilt for leaving her. He had spent the last few hours to blame himself should anything happen to her because of his lack of presence. To make matter worse, he did the most impossible thing he could ever think of. He checked his email. No, not the usual one but the one he and Tifa had set up together for the kids. He thought he would find some emails that Tifa had written to the kids; however, what he read just turned out to be her thoughts about him while he was away. His supposed email but for some reason, she didn't send it to him but rather the other one. He sat there, eyes never left his cell phone and started to read.

The more he read, the more he felt pain in his heart. She had never told him this… All she did was sending him message, telling him to take care of himself.

She had… had never told him that she cried because of him, almost every night or behind each message, she felt tears rolling down on her cheek.

She had never told him that she couldn't sleep at night because she was having bad dreams of him being attacked and heavily injured.

She had never told him that she hate him so much. Calling him a jerk for ignoring her feeling and had just walked out of her life without giving her a chance to defend. She had never told him that she also hated herself for hating him, for losing the trust in him. How could she do the most terrible thing like this to him.

She had never told him that she thought he treated her like his toy. A toy that he came to when he was feeling down. A toy that he would smile to when he liked. That explained why he didn't even bother to tell her where he was, what he did and who he was with. As much as Cloud felt hurt when she underestimated herself like this, he realized a painful truth that he indeed had taken her for advantage.

She had never told him that there were nights when she looked up in the sky and silently sang a song "do you still believe?"… 'If from where you're standing, do you see the skies above. I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love."… Yes, those sentences were the lyrics and she sang in tears.

She had never told him that she wanted to give up so many times but each time, she refused to do so because she still loved him. She didn't want to greet him as a stranger in her life. She didn't want to think of starting her life again with a new man. She just didn't want.

She had never told him that she had thought of doing something selfish aka suicide. But thanks to the kids, she couldn't do so. She knew she still had the responsibilities of taking care of them and there were a lot of people who would be hurt if she did such thing. Nevertheless, at that certain time, she only had one thought… would he care? Would he care at all if she died? Would he miss her and come back to her?

Thoughts and thoughts… Some were gentle with words and the concern for him. Cloud could imagine the time when she wrote those lines with tears forming her eyes and calling out for him. Some were harsh with swearing words as she felt she had lost him, the only man she ever loved and nothing mattered anymore so why should she want to be a good girl? Who would care?

There are some emails that were sent each day. But there are some that were sent in the same day which told him that she had suffered a lot of pain and just couldn't tell anyone. She had to keep up her smile. She had to trouble no one but yet, she felt like she was torn apart. Half wanting to let it go yet the other half told her to be patient and wait for him.

He…never knew.

If he had opened the mail box soon, maybe he had come back to her sooner. The reason he left was because he didn't want to hurt her. He was famous and through out all those years, had gained himself a lot of enemies. Being by his side only means danger. He left her so that she could live. He didn't want to shorten her life because of him just as what happened to Aerith. He thought he had protected her by doing so but in the end, he just hurt her even worse.

What good could it possible be if he couldn't be by her side and protect her? Now he realized that this world was full of dangers. Every two second, some one would die and his Tifa… was not an exception in this cruel world and neither was he. Who knows what tomorrow would bring? Maybe he would die without being able to tell her how much he care and let her hate him forever? Just the thought of being hated by Tifa made he felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. Or… maybe something would happen to Tifa? Like this… Luckily this time she was saved but who to say it wouldn't happen next time? Would he feel regret for letting her go with the bitterness, with the thought of having to hate the one she loved? It wasn't fair to her.

She couldn't tell him all her thoughts because she wanted to protect him and gave him a chance to come back. She didn't want to push him away.What had he done in return to her? He left without saying a word and leaving her in doubt. Leaving her to this cruel world and forgot all the promises.

She was right.

Cloud Strife was a jerk…

He found his eyes hot… He had never cried. He had never allowed himself to cry. He always wanted to be strong and a strong man couldn't cry. But now, he felt himself weak to words of this girl even though she hadn't said anything tonight. A tear rolled down his pale cheek.

"Baby…You hear me?"

He whispered, not wanting to disturb the children.

"I know you don't…at least, for now." He spoke, trying to hold back the tears. No tear was enough to compensate for her pain. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. And I'm sorry…that sorry is just not enough."

He hold her hand tightly, brought it up near his mouth, kissed it dearly before finishing what he wanted to say.

"But baby, this time I'm serious. I will make up for what I did. I don't know how but let me start by being here, by your side, and love you like I should have. Baby, as soon as you wake up, I will repeat those words again for you and for me. If you wish, I would say it till the end of your life…no, my life… just so I could remind myself of not being a fool again. Baby, forgive me…I love you"

** oOo THE END oOo  
**


End file.
